Reason # 3276 I dislike the law

Yesterdays NY Law Journal highlighted two cases in which plaintiffs were awarded money. In the first case, a probationary worker hired at some government agency was fired after 25 or so weeks for using the agency's loudspeaker system to make disparaging remarks about her supervisors. In the second case, a man had spent close to 2 years in prison for a crime he didnt commit because a forensics lab screwed up their fingerprint analysis.

One plaintiff banked $1.8 million. The other one got $140k.

As you might have figured out from the title of the post, the fired temp worker got the million dollar payday for having her 'due process' rights denied, while the poor shlub who was imprisoned got the lesser amount.

How this fits into anyone's sense of Justice is mindboggling to me.

Honest Abe

That's not true
said the boy
the wise men have no clue
they pray to a toy
and expect me to too

They tell me a tale
saying I should believe
or they'll throw me in jail
till I bow on my knees

But their story's a lie
and their faith just a fraud
so I plan to defy
in a way deep and broad

Their gods I will smash
with my tools into dust
then Ill rock like the Clash
their foundation I must

My culture is wrong
its ideals based on myth
but alone Im not strong
I need help to come with

Get thee out
Said a voice
And Ill show you about
You do have a choice
I can show you the route

High Tide

My neighbors all mocked me
they said I was fool
To think it was noticed
the poison we drool
Rich times were rolling
poor times were too
As abuses mounted
in march to deluge
Now it dont matter
the life that we had
Our culture developed
both good and bad
Some things I salvaged
most I could not
Can youth learn their lesson
or turn back to rot
For me it has ended
I've seen the new leaf
And drown out life's sorrow
in fermented grief

Wonderful Smells

It’s not often that I associate NYC with wonderful smells. When I think NY scents I immediately imagine maple syrup, subway odor or Hudson stench. To be fair, maybe Ill think of the Mexican truck. But, for the past couple of weeks, upon coming home, I have been greeted with the most wonderful olfactory delights. You see, a new couple moved in downstairs from me, and someone in that apartment is always cooking up the most amazing food. I wouldn’t be surprised if the fare is un-kasherable, but every day I am more and more tempted to knock on the door and demand recipes. Would that be weird?

Honey Crisp

with skin so shiny
you tempt me close
oneglimpseofyou
inflames
my soul to the point of
breaking just to have you
for my own forbidden
tart tangy soft and sweet
evenow satisfies
this craving for the
juices that
flow from your tender
flesh succulent like no
man has the right to
expect firmness unparalleled
i devour you like a cougar
to the core
where my being shudders
damn - you're a fine apple

Slide This One Right Over

Dear [Name of nice restaurant we all ate at a few days ago withheld]:

I deeply apologize for the recent actions of my friends during our delicious meal at your fine establishment. It wasn't that our meals weren't satisfying enough, it was just that that darn slider looked so sad and lonely sitting all by itself on the other table.

Our mothers always told us not to let food go to waste, so when the customers got up from their table, left a large wad of bills and put on their coats, it seemed safe to assume that the fully-intact slider left on their plate was just going to go in the garbage. And when goaded by a friend with $5 bill to get up and just take that slider - well, one of us couldn't resist.

Some of us maintained our sense of decency, but one of DaBoys, couldn't bear to see that tiny, yummy burger go to waste. After slathering on a good dose of sauce and fried onions, he wasted no time in enjoying the bounty pilfered from the other table. Considerately, this DaBoy stopped midchew to offer the others at the table a bite, but we all politely refused. After all, we're happy to take from strangers, but not from our friends.

Ultimately, the DaDoy finished off the slider, making sure to clean his plate of the extra onions as well. I decided it would be smart to put the empty plate back on our neighbor's table, so as not to confuse our waiter. Considerate, no?

Not long after our laughter subsided and conversation shifted away from this incident... the customers from the other table reentered the restaurant smelling subtly of cigarette smoke! What? Did they intentionally leave one complete slider on their plate to finish after their cigarette break?

All we could do was laugh. Giggles and muffled snorts flew from our table. We're not sure if our fellow-customers even noticed the missing burger, or if they really did plan to eat it after their excursion, but we did make sure to check our bill for the price of 1/3rd of a plate of 3 sliders....

So, thank you, [restaurant's name], in advance for not kicking us out next time we show up at your door. I am sure that the surveillance video from the camera pointed directly at our table served to be pure entertainment for your waitstaff.

Sincerely,
DaGirl

Why Can't We Throw Things at People More Often?

Sometimes, I wish it were more socially acceptable to throw things at people. Not hard, blunt objects (though believe me, there are times I want to throw those at people too), but more as a way of getting their attention. For example, let's say you are in a restaurant and you are trying to get a waiter's attention. The waiter is standing a few tables from your own, but they are facing the other direction. What can you do? Should you rudely and loudly bark "Excuse me!" or (if dealing with a waitress) "Miss!"? Tell me that it doesn't feel incredibly rude to do so, let alone disruptive to the other patrons to yell across a nice but relatively quiet restaurant.

What if, instead, you could just throw your napkin at them? No loud barking, much less disruption to other restaurant-goers, and it would instantly get their attention, no? But of course, you can't do that - the waiter/waitress would be offended and angry. Throwing things - even soft and painless things - at other people just isn't considered socially acceptable. But perhaps it should be.

Rumors of our Demise

Dear our loyal past and future readers:

Our blog had been building a nice community and carving out an identity when at some point, we began petering out, and then disappeared without so much as a goodbye. We're sorry about that... it wasn't something we intended to happen, it's just something we didn't make enough of an effort to avoid. A lot has changed since we were last posting regularly. When you last found JT, LT, DK :-), and DaGirl, we were four plucky Upper West Side-dwellers, trying to make sense of (or at least poke fun at) the chaotic world around us from the comfortable confines of Apartment 905. What's happened in the past year? DK :-) moved out of 905 and changed jobs. LT has been busy: in the past five months, he bought a house in Staten Island with DaGirl, moved out of 905, and began law school. Just a week and a half ago, LT and DaGirl got engaged (yay!). This left only JT in 905, but alas, even he has moved out within the past month.

While Apartment 905 may be populated by unwashed heathens by now (or, more likely, sits empty given the evil and slightly incompetent nature of our building's management)... and while none of us live in 905 anymore, we prefer to think the spirit of 905 lives on. We may have left the apartment, but the vibe hasn't left us. And so, we hope to come back to posting at least somewhat regularly. We look forward to reacquainting ourselves with our regular readers of the past, as well as hopefully meeting some other new wonderful readers in the future. =)

- DaBoys and DaGirl

Worth Coming Out of Retirement for:

Ok folks - this one was too good to let pass by....

What follows is an email I received as a result of being on some listserves for the Syrian community:

Attention Fellow Syrian Community Members

It is unfortunate and uncomfortible to bring to light and publicize a current and potential dangerous situation that is presently going on in our Syrian Community. A so called hair salon which caters to many Syrian women of our community has been engaging and openly dealing with immodesty and promiscuity to an extent which is now intolerable and is crossing lines, which can jeopardize marriages in our Syrian community.

It can surely endanger the welfare and well being of our Syrian sanctity in marriage.

This full service hair salon, located in Brooklyn, has had numerous encounters with a certain amount of husbands, in the community about affairs with numerous women of the Syrian community that frequent the establishment, and has had numerous issues come up that has husbands enraged and fearful that this will start spreading and becoming an epidemic that will have disasterous results in the future of families, that consequently bring a precarious situation if not done so already.

If patronizing this salon, and not knowing what is going on behind the scenes, this can and will most surely break up marriages and cause divorces in our community.

Only a hairdresser knows for sure how to penetrate in the minds of women, to eventually have them under his mindset. When a man is beautifying a lady, it is very common that the women let their guard down and pick up on emotional vibes that can cause sexual indiscretions to take place without the knowlege of their husbands.

It is extremely pertinent and of the utmost importance for husbands to be fully aware that this “Full Service” hair salon, located in the heart of the Syrian Jewish Community in Brooklyn, be scrutinized and taken seriously by husbands whose wives frequent the establishment of this “Full Service” salon.

Now, I'm not entirely convinced that this isn't a joke, but it certainly seems serious. Why not outright name said salon?

Husbands, take caution when your wife goes out to get that hair cut: "Only a hairdresser knows for sure how to penetrate in the minds of women."

Changing Religion

A new study finds that American's are shifting religion at an increasing rate. I think that's interesting...I see a few possible reasons for this trend:

1. increased exposure to other religions
2. an increase in the number of people with no belief in religion (the unafiliated tag on the graph may account for that)
3. recent scandals scaring people away from Catholicism (and other religions.)

But the good news is that these has only been a change in .2 percent of those who no longer consider themselves "Jewish."

-DaGirl