Slide This One Right Over

Dear [Name of nice restaurant we all ate at a few days ago withheld]:

I deeply apologize for the recent actions of my friends during our delicious meal at your fine establishment. It wasn't that our meals weren't satisfying enough, it was just that that darn slider looked so sad and lonely sitting all by itself on the other table.

Our mothers always told us not to let food go to waste, so when the customers got up from their table, left a large wad of bills and put on their coats, it seemed safe to assume that the fully-intact slider left on their plate was just going to go in the garbage. And when goaded by a friend with $5 bill to get up and just take that slider - well, one of us couldn't resist.

Some of us maintained our sense of decency, but one of DaBoys, couldn't bear to see that tiny, yummy burger go to waste. After slathering on a good dose of sauce and fried onions, he wasted no time in enjoying the bounty pilfered from the other table. Considerately, this DaBoy stopped midchew to offer the others at the table a bite, but we all politely refused. After all, we're happy to take from strangers, but not from our friends.

Ultimately, the DaDoy finished off the slider, making sure to clean his plate of the extra onions as well. I decided it would be smart to put the empty plate back on our neighbor's table, so as not to confuse our waiter. Considerate, no?

Not long after our laughter subsided and conversation shifted away from this incident... the customers from the other table reentered the restaurant smelling subtly of cigarette smoke! What? Did they intentionally leave one complete slider on their plate to finish after their cigarette break?

All we could do was laugh. Giggles and muffled snorts flew from our table. We're not sure if our fellow-customers even noticed the missing burger, or if they really did plan to eat it after their excursion, but we did make sure to check our bill for the price of 1/3rd of a plate of 3 sliders....

So, thank you, [restaurant's name], in advance for not kicking us out next time we show up at your door. I am sure that the surveillance video from the camera pointed directly at our table served to be pure entertainment for your waitstaff.

Sincerely,
DaGirl

Why Can't We Throw Things at People More Often?

Sometimes, I wish it were more socially acceptable to throw things at people. Not hard, blunt objects (though believe me, there are times I want to throw those at people too), but more as a way of getting their attention. For example, let's say you are in a restaurant and you are trying to get a waiter's attention. The waiter is standing a few tables from your own, but they are facing the other direction. What can you do? Should you rudely and loudly bark "Excuse me!" or (if dealing with a waitress) "Miss!"? Tell me that it doesn't feel incredibly rude to do so, let alone disruptive to the other patrons to yell across a nice but relatively quiet restaurant.

What if, instead, you could just throw your napkin at them? No loud barking, much less disruption to other restaurant-goers, and it would instantly get their attention, no? But of course, you can't do that - the waiter/waitress would be offended and angry. Throwing things - even soft and painless things - at other people just isn't considered socially acceptable. But perhaps it should be.